Ken: Funny you should ask. I’m off to the lumberyard right now. Can’t make a post without some wood. That’s what my father used to say.
Anne: Your father never said that.
Ken: He would have if he ever had to make a post.
Anne: Ken, it’s not that kind of post. It’s a word post. We’re supposed to tell the readers a little about ourselves. Like, we’ve been married for almost 44 years and have three children and have lived in New York City for the past 41 years.
Ken: Shall we tell them about the time we climbed Mt. Everest? Without Sherpas, yet.
Anne: We never climbed Mt. Everest, Ken, with or without Sherpas.
Ken: (Whispering) Yeah, but they don’t know that.
Anne: (sighs) Readers want to know real things about us. Like the fact that you enjoy birding.
Ken: I get it. So, we’ll tell readers about the time two eagles swooped down and carried me off to their nest on Mt. Everest.
Anne: No! We’ll tell them that watching birds in Central Park gave you the original idea about using a pigeon in our book and having a hawk chase him and want to kill and eat him.
Ken: There are hawks in Central Park. And they do eat pigeons.
Anne: Right! Except that the pigeon in our book was an Englishman who had been turned into a bird 160 years ago when he misread a magic spell. And the hawk was an evil man who was also affected by the same misreading and wants revenge on poor Arthur Whitehair.
Ken: Alas, poor Arthur, I knew him well.
Anne: Stay focused, Ken. We needed some way to tell our pigeon from all the rest, so we gave him a white patch of feathers on his head.
Ken: But I actually did know a person by the name of Arthur Whitehair and he really did have a patch of white hair on his head.
Anne: Are you making things up again, Ken?
Ken: No, there was a guy by that name on the football team with me in high school.
Anne: Did you by any chance get knocked in the head while playing football?
Ken: Yeah, a few times. Why do you ask?
Anne: (Rolling eyes) Let’s continue.
Ken: And don’t forget—since pigeons eat a lot, we gave Arthur a big appetite.
Anne: Which got him into all kinds of trouble. Remember the bread pudding? And the cheese? … What’s the matter? Why are you looking in my pockets?
Ken: I was hoping you had something to eat.
Anne: Hang in there. Next we’ll tell people how we love walking in Central Park and that a lot of the book is set in our favorite places like the North Meadow and the Great Lawn and Belvedere Castle.
Ken: Actually, the Great Lawn is not a favorite place of mine.
Anne: I never knew that. Why not?
Ken: It’s really sort of stuck up. I mean, it’s a pretty good lawn. But, great? Really?
Anne: (Sighs again) I think we’re done, Ken.
Ken: Okay. So I guess I should put the axe away?
Anne: Just leave it. I may want to use it later.